Its peak corn season, friends. And what better to celebrate your favorite cobbed vegetable than by
eating getting down and dirty with it?
Yes, its all fine and dandy to gnaw on the real thing, but why confine yourself when there is such a lovely array of corn-inspired sex toys? Now, thanks to these ripe and ready gadgets, you can give a whole new meaning to shucking.
This is basically a corn on the cob with a nice little penis hat. It comes in a large size (10 inches; $24) or small (8 inches; $19), depending on how large of an appetite you have. It’s also got a powerful suction base (so your corn doesn’t go flying across the room!), and the product’s description promises that it’s “amazing corn particles strongly stimulate pleasure hot spots.” Dig in.
Of all the options, this isn’t the cheapest (it’ll run you close to $100), but it is by far the most realistic looking. It’s manufacturer says this cob offers “extreme sexual pleasure when the corn kernels pass the muscle ring.” You can also get this one in large or small, and this is part of a whole range of veggie sex toys; a pornucopia, if you will. Bonus: it changes color when it gets hot. Yum?
At nine inches, this cob is right in the middle. It also features a pretty realistic kernel covering and has a suction base. But in addition to yellow, you can also opt for this one in a striking black or vibrant purple shade. And at only $17, this is the biggest bargain in the dildo bushel.
Want something that stands out from the corny crowd? Try this $17 corn-inspired wand massager. It’s made of hand-blown glass, and it’s covered in “pleasure bumps.” It’s even got a nice little handle to give you more control sort of like one of those little corn holders you stick in the end of the cob.
If you want something with a little more oomph, try this petite corn-shaped vibrator. It’ll run you about $21, and it has 10 different speeds. It’s battery operated, and small enough to be discrete. Its makers say it “tempts you to open the door to a new and delicious sexual world.” That’s an invitation no one can resist.
Now you’ve got everything you need to go forth and get corny. Just be extra careful not to confuse these toys with the real thing and accidentally serve one up at your next barbecue.