Can You Help Me Seduce The Lard-Assed Director Of Technology?

Well, I’m in trouble. I’ve fallen in love bad, and I need your help seducing the loveliest administrator we have ever known. Yes, I only have eyes for the lard-assed director of technology, the massive one who patrols the stupid halls and keeps us all on task! Please, will you advise me?

  1. 1. You know who I’m talking about, right? I’m talking about the person who always sloshes through the office, confirming minute after minute that all our systems are adequate. I just take one look at that slop heap and I am spinning right into the void with lust. What can I say to win a kiss from our gigantic mainframe maven?

  2. 2. Each morning, the lard-assed director of technology brings in a thermos flask, puts it on the main desk in the comp room, and sips on it throughout the day. Should I break the ice by asking to try it?

  3. 3. Oh, I’m head-and-heels crazy for this lard-assed director! Wild, wild, wild, wild. How can I help it when I can hear those bountiful fingers thundering out wonderful keyboard commands all day? How can I resist the way that shy-sweet titan sloshes through our office? For Christ’s sake, what love song do you think plays in my head when such a gorgeous person goes tumbling past my desk in one of those see-through patrol spheres?

  4. 4. Do you think the lard-assed director of technology is the kind of person I simply need to approach with supreme confidence?

  5. 5. Last week, when the lard-assed director took an unannounced hiatus and was replaced temporarily by a wretched impostor, do you maybe think I cried and cried? Of course I did!

  6. 6. If I ever get up the nerve to talk to the lard-assed director of technology, should I address my beloved as something besides “the lard-assed director of technology”?

  • Results for Can You Help Me Seduce The Lard-Assed Director Of Technology?

    The lard-assed director of technology is head-and-heels in love with me!

    I am proud to tell you that I bellowed in triumph when I found out that my darling, the lard-assed director of technology, reciprocated everything! Yes, your suggestions worked some sorcery on my beloved undulating meaty fiasco, and now the director and I are an item that is in love with itself! This is the best achievement of my life, and you are the beautiful friend who made it happen. Thank you!

  • Results for Can You Help Me Seduce The Lard-Assed Director Of Technology?

    The lard-assed director of technology is still not in love with me!

    Well, if you hear me wandering the halls accusing myself of hate crimes, you’ll know why: It’s heartache torture time for me after the lard-assed director rejected my advances, and now every moment breaks me to bits since no one but the director will do. No, I will continue not to know the wild folds of the person who I still privately whisper is my beloved, the lard-assed director of technology. You did this to me.

Read more: http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/can-you-help-me-seduce-lard-assed-director-technol-2322